So early now the change
The change from day to night
- Which has upset me -
Confused my sense of time .......
No shadows are there to be cast
In this frozen northern vast.
It is a mournful season
Seemingly without a reason
The grayness makes me sad
I long for company and passion.....
Some souls at times appear afflicted
In grip of mild depression
Silence still, a pensive mood
I am alome, begin to brood
Then suddenly a drunken roar
Obscene the language
The shouting harsh and course
A banging, shuffling , a shaking floor
When they were passing by my door
Then suddenly a blaring noise
So loud and clear next door
How do I hate those flimsy walls
Sometimes I wish ..........
I had no neighbours any more
%26quot;One hour of possible sunshine only%26quot;
The announcer said - with a cheerful voice
%26quot;Right now it%26#039;s thirty five below
With gusting winds and drifting snow%26quot;
%26quot;O - cut it out, shut up%26quot;..... I swear
%26quot;That phony cheerfulnes of yours%26quot;
Which lately I do hate to hear
A slamming sound, some muffled shouts
And shrieks of laughter uncontrolled
Were slowly fading .......outside......
Somehere in the arctic cold.
I put on my parka, go for a walk
Maybe the Inn - enjoy some drinks
Perhaps there are some girls.....
Or just listen.........
To someone else%26#039;s talk.|||So early now the change I see
From day to night, it follows me
It has upset my sense of time
Confused and lost and feeling blind
No shadows are there to be cast
Now, in this frozen northern vast.
It is a quiet and mournful season
So seemingly without a reason
The envelope of grayness makes me sad
The company and passion I wish I had
Some souls at times appear afflicted
The grip of mild depression shifted
Silence still, a pensive mood
I am alone, begin to brood
Then suddenly a drunken roar
As they were passing by my door
Obscene the language, with such a force
The shouting was so harsh and course
A banging, shuffling, a shaking floor
I dont know if I can take much more
Then suddenly a blaring noise
So loud and clear just like before
How I do hate those flimsy walls
Even in light, the darkness falls
I wish and pray the neighbors knew
Of all the terror they put me through
%26quot;One hour of possible sunshine today%26quot;
With a cheerful voice I heard him say
%26quot;Right now it%26#039;s thirty five below
With gusting winds and drifting snow%26quot;
%26quot;O - cut it out, shut up%26quot;..... I swear
That phony glee I hate to hear
A slamming sound, some muffled shouts
With shrieks of laughter all about
Souls slowly fading, or so we%26#039;re told
Somewhere out in the arctic cold.
Maybe the Inn - enjoy some drinks
There are some girls, perhaps I think.....
I put on my parka, go for a walk
Just wanting to listen to someone else talk
BTW... your poem is beautiful the way you wrote it also but you asked for opinions so I figured that I would give you mine! Hope that helps a bit!|||Thank you very much! I have been writing for about 15 yrs! :)
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|||its ur poem ....if u like it than it is good|||delete it....it%26#039;s bad|||The meter is good, but poetry doesn%26#039;t need to rhyme. If you read all the great poetry, most of it doesn%26#039;t rhyme. The first part feels a little forced, the last stanza is very good and feels more like your %26quot;voice%26quot; coming out.|||If you are happy as it is then stay true to form and leave.
If you are compromising your writing in some way by trying to make corrections leave it be and let it be said the way you think it should.
I think it is fantastic. Well done.|||i don%26#039;t think it need any change|||It%26#039;s good. . .for the most part. I think the last 2 stanzas should be somewhere else, like I personally think that the last stanza should be switched with the next to last stanza, and that one should be after the 4th one or just keep it as the last one.|||Its good and descriptive. I would change the line, %26quot;the grayness makes me sad.%26quot; It sounds a little childish. I would try to find a better word. Otherwise, your word choice is really good. This poem shows a different lifestyle, and its very original! Good work!
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