Is this a good Prologue for my story?

I lay on the cold, hard wood floor, my whole body covered in my blood. A man sits next to me, another stands at my feet staring down at me. There are windows on all the walls, its night and I see the stars shining. I’m coughing repeatedly. The man sitting tries to calm me down, I am breathing hard. I feel like I’m going to cough up one of my lungs. The man standing up has a stiff look on his face. I don’t remember what happened. Why my blood is all over me. I’m scared; I don’t know what’s happening. I feel different, something’s changing inside me. A shot of pain shoots through me like a knife being struck into my stomach. I scream out in pain. What’s happening to me? Where am I? I squeeze my eyes shut and open them again. They start watering; I’m crying it hurts so much. The man sitting is still trying to calm me. Then the pain disappears. Not fully, it’s still there but not as much.

“It’s finishing.” The man standing up says. The other man looks up at him.

“What do I do?” He says.

“Take her to Remy. She’ll know what to do.” My vision is slipping away. I can feel the man lift me up off the ground and hold me in his arms. He stands up still holding me and walks. A few seconds later he lets go of me with one hand. I hear a creek and then he holds me with both hands again and walks a few steps. He lets go of me with that hand again I hear another creek and then a slam. He holds me with both hands again and walks. I hear his shoes walking on the ground.

“Come in Demetri.” I hear a woman’s voice say.

“Who’s this?” Another woman’s voice.

“Nora Trimboli.” A man’s voice says, probably Demetri.

“Oh. Who?” The woman says.

“Lucas. He lost control.”

“When?”

“Today, she was walking alone at a big farm, probably her families. I was with Lucas but I couldn't get him off her so we brought her here so finish the change.” The change.

“Hm. I knew Lucas would lose control some time.”

“Yeah. So what do I do with her?”

“Take her to Dark Moon. Tell Greta what happened and she’ll take her in.” Dark Moon.



Would you (do you) want to continue and read Chapter 1?
Is this a good Prologue for my story?
Hm, it's awesome, and it's something I'd love to read. But with my honest opinion I'd like to say that you're sentences are too short, and a few of them should run together. Other than that it's awesome. Email me, if you'd like, because I would certainly love to read what you have of your story so far.



Thanks and good job!



:][:
Is this a good Prologue for my story?
I think you're doing okay, except that you need more detail. Describe the man more instead of just calling him the %26quot;man.%26quot; Good luck! :)
Firstly let me define a prologue.

A prologue is mainly for introducing information that is not mentioned during a story like a time and place when a setting makes a quick change so the audience isn't left in a fog. For some reason people are beginning to think they need to use prologues for introducing characters which is highly unneeded since characters can be introduced during the story at anytime.



This which you have written would be considered 'an actual part' of the story instead of a prologue. This piece comes off more as a flashback.



Sorry if that description seemed rude.

=(



Other than that I will kindly give you my constructive criticism.



I find the short sentences to give off the 'rush effect' where it carries on too quickly. Try to use more advanced adjectives to lengthen this scene. Rushing a scene can give out information too quickly and make a story predictable.



Other than that it's great.

=)

Don't be discouraged and use this as a prologue if you wish.